Two Empty Seats
by Almost Lucid
Summary: It’s an unchangeable reality in which none of us were anticipating. Mori and Honey are graduating. Before they leave, the Host Club searches in vain for their replacements. OneShot


**Two Empty Seats**

_Description_- It's an unchangeable reality in which none of us were anticipating. Mori and Honey are graduating. Before they leave, the Host Club searches in vain for their replacements. One-Shot

**…**

"This is Hatakeyama Tsukiyama reporting live, outside of the third music room," the student reporter introduces on the microphone. "In just minutes from now, the glamorous Host Club will be opening its doors for possible candidates to take the seats of our beloved Mori-kun and Honey-kun who are set to graduate by the end of this month! Already, the hallways are packed with eager contestants! Excuse me sir, how long have you been waiting for the Host Club to open their doors?"

"Oh, for a year already!" the student exclaims, the excitement evident in his voice.

"But the Host Club only announced this audition a week ago…" the reporter points the microphone back towards the student.

"Oh, I've been wanting to get into the Club for a year, but if you meant how long I've been waiting outside—it has only been 6 days 18 hours and—" the students glances at his watch. "17 minutes."

"And you have not gone home since?" the reporter interviews, both impressed and disgusted.

"Nope, hi mom—" Joyful screams of girls in the crowd interrupts the interviewee.

The reporter gasps delightfully. "It's the Host Club! They've finally opened their doors! Eek! I can hardly contain the fan-girl-ism in the depths of my stomach. I can't take it anymore—TAMAKI-KUN, I LOVE YOUUUUU!"

Tamaki blows kisses and winks at the female population present in the crowd.

"KAMI-SAMA, HE WINKED AT ME!" the uninhibited reporter squeals loudly.

"Hello, fellow students, and beautiful princesses—" The fan girls incapacitate him with their screams of love. Tamaki smiles softly and waits for the crowd to settle.

Suddenly someone yells out from the crowd, "SHUT UP, HE'S TRYING TO TALK!"

"Ahem, thank you. Welcome to our first Host Club audition. As you know, we are in search of two suitable members for our club. I notice that there are many eligible applicants, and I hope to make this experience both enjoyable and memorable. Please stay on line and accept no line-skipping. The audition officially begins, now." Tamaki's speech concludes with a choir of gushing fan girls.

"TAMAKI-KUN IS SO HOT!" Tamaki winks once more before he returns behind the doors.

"Miyagi Kazu, please prepare yourself for your audition," Haruhi informs, peeping her head out the door.

"HARUHI-KUN, MY LOVE FOR YOU SHINES BRIGHTER THAN A THOUSAND SUNS!" Some girls scream.

**…**

"Miyagi Kazu, correct?" Kyouya places the clipboard down, eyeing the boy's choice of props—an electric guitar.

"Yes," Miyagi studies the Host Club judges through jaded eyes. The Host Club members begin to wonder if he can see with them with his long dark bangs covering his eyes.

"What makes you qualified as a Host Club member?" Tamaki inquires formally.

"I have natural good looks," Miyagi pushes his bangs aside, revealing heavy black makeup lining his jaded grey eyes.

The Host Club huddles up and whispers to each other.

"His physical appearance…" Tamaki discusses.

"3.5 out of 5," Hikaru and Kaoru conclude. Everyone else nods in agreement and un-huddles themselves.

"I also have musical talents," Miyagi strums his electric guitar, the metallic echoes bouncing off the walls of the Third Music Room. He begins to sing…although it is more accurate to say that he is screaming in a raspy, tortured way…or rather he's singing in a raspy voice that gives off the impression that he's shrieking in torturous agony.

"I CAN'T HEAR MYSELF!" Honey tries to talk above the guitar and screams. Mori shrugs, insinuating that he cannot hear.

Hikaru and Kaoru repeatedly ring the tiny bell. The music stops.

"Thank you," Hikaru sighs.

"We'll give you a call," Kaoru shoos him out.

"You guys don't appreciate heavy metal," Miyagi packs his guitar and leaves in a huff.

**…**

"I'm Atshushi Jiro," the second candidate bows with a basketball in hand.

"He's tall," Hikaru comments to the rest of the group.

"He could be a replacement for Mori-sempai…" Kaoru concludes. Mori stares at his possible replacement, gradually narrowing his eyes.

"What do you have to offer?" Tamaki inquires.

"Well…I could…DRIBBLE THIS BALL!" his face lit up, as he bounced the ball up and down in amusement. "An-and I could make it spin on my finger tips!" he spins the ball on his finger, laughing foolishly, speeding up the spins with his other hand. "Look at it goooo!" Atshushi stares in awe at the ball on his finger tips.

"Wah, it's so fast!" Honey claps and stares at the ball as well.

"NEXT!" the twins call out.

**…**

"What is your name?" Tamaki asks the black-and-white-stripes-clad candidate in white face paint. The candidate refuses to speak, but his hands and facial expressions say everything. He pounds on an imaginary wall. "No, your name…" Tamaki repeats "What is your name?" the candidate repetitively pounces on the imaginary wall. He then goes into a thinking pose, and once he produces the face of epiphany, he crashes his mass towards the imaginary wall.

"Oh, he's trapped in a box…" Haruhi stares, in captivation and amusement. The candidate nods his head up and down with his big smile.

"I'm sorry, but you're going to have to _talk_ with the customers…" Tamaki explains as politely as possible.

The candidate pretends to be panting, from working so hard at trying to knock down the imaginary wall.

"NEXT!"

**…**

"Well…I can fit myself into this box," the next candidate introduces a medium sized glass box and begins to fit himself inside with his amazing double joints and flexibility. He closes the box himself in the end.

"How does that make you qualified as a host?" Kyouya questions.

"hi fugot fu foot beefing holes fuh fis box…" the muffled voice of the candidate sounded out from inside the box. (Translation- "I forgot to put breathing holes for this box") The glass begins to fog up.

"Somebody get him out of there…" Tamaki sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"We'll get it!" Hikaru and Kaoru smirk at each other, knowing they share the same evil thoughts. They turn the box around and roll him out.

"NEXT!"

**…**

"Hi, I'm Iwasaki Shigeru. This song is for all the ladies…" he clears his throat. He parted his lips to sing. His voice sails out mellow and clear. The song was heart-wrenching and emotional, but Tamaki stops him midway.

"That was very good, Iwasaki-kun, but unfortunately, this isn't a singing contest…"

"Really? Then you have got to tell the others…" Iwasaki suggests. "But can I still be a Host?"

"We will truly consider it," Tamaki assures. "Thank you, we'll call you back." Tamaki turns to his fellow judges. "Will somebody please tell the crowd this isn't a talent show?"

Honey volunteers himself.

"Ano ne…" Honey walks out the doors. The fan girls begin to scream again.

"HONEY-KUN, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IT HURTS! I FEEL IT IN MY TOES!"

"Ano ne, Tama-chan said that this isn't a talent show…" Honey clarifies.

"What? It isn't?" Someone from the crowd asks in disbelief.

"NO!" the fan girls answer.

"Oh man, and to think I actually took time to shave for this event…" the person in the crowd groans. Then almost a fifth of the crowd leaves with him, finally realizing they're not on-line for a talent show.

**…**

"A-ano, ahem," the candidate coughs his voice a pitch lower to sound more masculine. "I-I'm Soo Mari…o."

"You're not even a boy…" Hikaru points out.

"He—eh!?" the girl-boy candidate looks at him in utter disbelief through his or her beautiful violet eyes fringed with thick lush lashes

"Just because you changed your name from Maryto Mari**o** doesn't make you male." Kaoru snickers.

"But I must join this club!" the girl-boy shouts!

"Why?" Haruhi asks.

"Because…I'm Tamaki's long lost sister from America!" the girl-boy reveals, flipping her shiny blonde locks aside.

"What?! No she's not!" Tamaki defends.

"Of course I am, and I'm here to replace Haruhi in the story, and so I could make everyone in this club fall in love with me!" Mary declares possessively. "That includes you, long-lost brother! You must wallow in sin while I nonchalantly seduce your friends!"

"EW! You are not my sister!" Tamaki slams his hands on the table.

"I am too!" the girl-boy asserts. "I know French! I'm part French-Canadian-Norwegian-Spanish-Mexican-Mayan-Chinese-Korean-Japanese—"

"N-no! Stop! She's messing with my mind! Take her away!" Tamaki dramatically falls back onto his seat, as if death just sent him a wink.

"Gladly," Hikaru and Kaoru drags her out.

"Be careful, she might use her seductress powers to control you!" Tamaki warns.

"That was the fifth one this week…" Haruhi raises her brow. "Why are there so many people claiming to be related to one of us?"

"I don't know…I just…don't know anymore…" Tamaki rocks himself back and forth in fetal position.

**…**

"Uh…Fuchida-kun, ca-can you stop for a moment…" even Tamaki gets embarrassed in a situation like this. This candidate decides to bring a girl in with him, and he refuses to stop making out with her. "A-ano…it's going to be very hard on your girlfriend, working in the Host Club…"

"What girlfriend?" the candidate finally stops and whispers to the girl, "Tell Lily-chan to come in."

"Wasn't that your girlfriend?" Tamaki points to the girl walking out the door.

"No." Fuchida answers as another girl walks in. "Lily-chan," Fushida growls, and begins to make out with her too.

"Get out of here!" Tamaki demands.

**…**

"Kawasaki Shun, you're next," Haruhi announces to the crowd.

"H-hai…" Kawasaki meekly follows in and closes the door with caution as he goes in. He dares not make eye-contact with the judges. "H-hello…"

"His height makes him a possible choice for Honey-sempai's replacement," Hikaru observes.

"And the customers might actually find the shy thing he has going on, cute," Kaoru adds.

"Ah, Bun-Bun-chan's eyes fell out!" Honey cries in attempt to draw some attention.

"Do you have any hobbies?" Kyouya interrogates, completely throwing him off.

"Um…" Kawasaki blushes red. "I like to tend the house plants…I guess."

'_Blushes easily.'_ Kyouya jots down in his notes.

"But…Bun-Bun-chan!" Honey protests, his eyes turning watery.

"Why do you want to become a host?" Tamaki asks.

"I-I…look up to F-fujioka-san…" Kawasaki stutters, still blushing and looking at his shoes.

Tamaki narrows his eyes. "Thank you; we'll give you a call." Kawasaki turns out meekly

"He wasn't so bad…" Haruhi comments.

"BUN-BUN-CHAN!" Honey cries.

"Mitsukuni, wrong side." Mori faces the stuffed bunny up, revealing tautly sewn bead eyes.

"Ah, they're back!" Honey squeezes the bunny in affection.

"Um…Next?"

**…**

"Hellooo! My name is Aizawa Yuki. Everyone calls me Yuki-chan," the next candidate speaks in a way that suggests a question mark after each sentence. He dresses in frills and laces in bright pastels. He also apparently carries a purse with glitter and sequins, oh my! "Oh I like, love that shirt, where'd you get it?" he points at Tamaki's shirt.

"Are you gay?" Hikaru asks.

"Hikaru!" Tamaki warns. Tamaki and the Hitachiin twins huddle up.

"I'm seriously asking that!"

"Why would that be of use?" Tamaki asks helplessly.

"Don't you know? Almost all girls dream of having a gay friend!" Kaoru reasons.

"Come to think of it…it sounds kind of true…" Tamaki nods.

"And if he is, then we could introduce him as '_Yuki, your male girlfriend'_." The twins do the victory sign.

"Yea…and he would have a lot to talk about with the customers…" Tamaki deduces.

"Are you gay?" the twins and Tamaki repeat the question to the candidate.

"Please don't mind the bluntness. You don't have to answer that," Kyouya adds wearily.

"It's okay, I like, get that a lot," Yuki the candidate waves his hand around. "But no, I am not gay. I'm just like, really in touched with my feminine side."

The twins and Tamaki huddle up again.

"If he does make it into the club, we could make him pretend to be gay…or make him come out from the closet..." Tamaki concludes, and the twins nod.

"What do you like to do in your spare time?" Kyouya inquires.

"Hm…I like to like, go shopping, and I like to eat…oooh I like, love chocolates!" Yuki fawns.

"Chocolates? Me too!" Honey's face lights up.

"Like, oh my god! No way!" Yuki looks as him as though he just found his long lost brother.

"Okay, the 'like' is getting really annoying…" the twins whisper.

"Thank you, we'll give you a call," Tamaki politely says.

"NEXT!"

**…**

"Hey, Honda Junzo present," the following candidate bows.

"Hello…where's your shirt?" Tamaki asks in curiosity.

"It broke after some subtle movements outside," he explains in his deep masculine voice.

"And why, may I ask, is your torso glistening?" Tamaki raises his brow.

"I wiped oil on my body so I could easily glide through the crowd without hurting anyone." Honda says as if everyone does it. "I carry a canister of it with me everywhere…"

"O_kaay_…" Tamaki sucks in a breath of air. _'Weirdo.' _ "Any hobbies?"

"I like to work out." He answers.

"Not surprising—"

"You know, you could really tone up your muscles, if you follow my exercise routines…" the buff candidate suggests.

"Really? I always thought it wouldn't hurt to work my biceps a little more," Tamaki pokes at his own arms. "I don't want to get really bulky though…"

"No, you'll only be toning it—"

"Thank you, we'll give you a call," Kyouya interrupts.

"NEXT!"

**…**

"Janitor Abe?" Haruhi raises her brow at the old custodial worker.

"Oh, don't mind me," the janitor tilts his hat. "I'm just cleaning up the trail of oil…"

…

"Hi, I'm Kobayashi Murai, and this is my pet, Steven," the candidate introduces his pet snake to the Host Club.

The Host Club is speechless, seeing the giant Boa Constrictor hanging over Kobayashi's neck.

"Does Steven like cake?" Honey asks out of the blue.

"Actually he prefers broiled rats with deep fried birds on the side…" Kobayashi answers as the snake begins to make its way around his neck.

"Are you sure it's safe for the snake to be doing that?" Haruhi questions.

"Oh yea, Steven's just giving me a hug, that's all. Right, Steven?" Kobayashi looks obliviously at the snake whose eyes told otherwise. "No?" The snake hisses, and tightens up around Kobayashi's neck. Kobayashi drops to the ground.

"……"

"Is he dead?" Kaoru asks after 30 seconds of silence.

"He's not moving…" Hikaru stares.

"Call the ambulance," Tamaki commands, his eyes wide with indescribable astonishment. "And animal control…"

**…**

After shipping Kobayashi Murai to the emergency room, the audition continues.

"Otomo Toru," Mori announces briefly to the crowd before turning back into the room.

"MORI-KUN, MY LOVE FOR YOU IS DEEPER THAN ANY TRENCH IN THE SEA!" A fan girl confesses.

**…**

As the Host Club waits for Otomo Toru to come in, Tamaki watches, from the corner of his eye, Haruhi as she sips her tea as he pretends to be studying the sheets in front of him. Haruhi places her cup next to his papers.

'_Pretend you think it's yours,' _Tamaki tells himself. _'INDIRECT KISS!_—_she doesn't have to know that.'_ Tamaki begins to reach for the cup, keeping his eyes glued down at his papers. _'Come on, come on…before anyone else notices…_'

He feels for the cup. Nothing. That's weird. His estimations can't be wrong.

He looks up.

The cup isn't on the table anymore. It's in the hands of a blonde male in a simple t-shirt and shorts who walks barefooted. He drinks up the contents in a single gulp.

Tamaki's jaws drop to his feet. _'HE STOLE HARUHI'S INDIRECT KISS!'_

"Uh…That was mine," Haruhi claims, peering at the cup in the hands of a stranger.

"Oh, I'm sorry, but that sure was refreshing!" the stranger places the cup back in its original place.

"Otomo Toru, please take a seat," Kyouya directs.

"What happened to him?" Toru asks pointing at Tamaki who is hugging his knees as his lower lip quivers in utter wretchedness. He looks back at forth from Haruhi's cup to the candidate and back to the cup again. Every time his eyes connect with the candidate's, it narrows ever so slightly.

"It's nothing you have to worry about," Kyouya assures. "What makes you qualified as a host?"

"I'm very easy to talk to…Many people have told me that I'm easy on the eyes. I've also been complimented for my gentle demeanor and care for the environment."

"Your dirty feet aren't so easy on the eyes…" Hikaru mutters to Kaoru.

"What was that?" Otomo asks.

"Hikaru said that you look very _natural_," Kaoru rephrases his brother's statement.

"Oh, why thank you!" Otomo is truly flattered.

"You have a different reason for wanting to join the Host Club….don't you?" Haruhi observes.

"Did you know the Third Music Room has one of the best views of the greeneries?" Otomo looks out the window to the right.

"Which room has the best view?" Haruhi asks curiously.

"The girl's bathroom…" Realizing what he said, he follows up, "…o-or so I've been told, but I can't go in there…" He laughs uncomfortably.

"Thank you, we'll call you back." A look of victory swept over Tamaki's face. _'Creep. Pervert. Indirect kiss stealer.'_

"Next!"

**…**

"Katsukawa Iwane," Hikaru calls out.

"You're next," Kaoru informs. The two of them return inside the room.

"AHH! I'D LIKE TO SEE HIKARU AND KAORU MAKE OUT ON MY COUCH!" A fan girl screams. Everyone stops their chatter and looks at her.

"Girl, that's enough…Really," a boy on line for the audition tells her off.

"BUT I CAN'T STOP TALKING LIKE THIS…"

**…**

A boy with a colorful headscarf wanders in. He places two fingers on his forehead, seemingly in deep thought. He points his fingers at Tamaki, eyes still closed.

"Yoo…you! I sense something veeery bad waiting to happen to yooou!" the boy's voice shook out.

"Me?" Tamaki points to himself.

"Yes, you…something very bad…." The boy repeats.

"What's going to happen? How can I avoid it?" Tamaki follows up eagerly to know his fate.

"Unfortunately, I only give readings to people I'm close too…"the boy hints.

"Is that a bribe, Katsukawa Iwane—_san_?" Kyouya challenges; not amused.

'_What is this dark aura I'm feeling?'_ "Oh no…I'm just saying…you know what? I should go…my gypsy sisters are waiting…" the boy turns around to leave. _'I foresee a terrible disaster if I do not leave this second…_'

"Next, please."

**…**

"Ieyasu Kosaku, correct?" Tamaki asks for confirmation. Ieyasu nods his head. "You claim to be able to see and communicate with spirits…is that true?"

"Ah…Matsuda-san…you followed me here?" Ieyasu appears to be talking to something midair to his right.

The Host Club judges peer at each other and shrug.

"Oh, Ebisawa-san, don't be rude to Suoh-kun…" Ieyasu props his left hand on his hip pointing behind Tamaki as a mother would to a bad child. "I'm sorry, Suoh-kun, Ebisawa-san is just a big kid."

"E…bi…sawa…san?" Tamaki stiffens in his seat. He feels something cold sweep down his spine. He's breaking out in cold sweat.

"OH, don't be nervous. He's 100 percent violence-free—OH MY GOD! Fujimaki-san—oh, no, I didn't mean anything by that—no!" Ieyasu backs up from something visible only to him. "I really didn't break your sister's heart—ah! No, no…please not here—Holy crap!" Ieyasu screams as his head knocks into the wall several times as if someone—someone invisible is directing those hits. "Call the exorcist!—I mean, no! Fujimaki-san, you know I didn't mean that—AH!"

"So the other ghosts aren't going to help the guy?" Hikaru blinks.

**…**

After getting Ieyasu Kosaku to the medics, the Host Club continues the search for new members.

"Yoshida Tsuyoshi, please report inside the Third Music Room," Kyouya announces to the raging crowd.

"KYOUYA-KUN, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH; I WISH WE CAN DO OUR HOMEWORK TOGETHER!" the crazy fan girl screams.

"Must you voice out your eerie fantasies?" the poor candidate rubs the sides of his head in attempt to soothe his throbbing migraine.

**…**

"Yoshida Tsuyoshi," Tamaki calls out seeing the boy coming in and walking back out. "huh?" The boy walks back in again. "Is there a problem?" The boy walks back out. "Uh…"

"We'll get him…" Hikaru and Kaoru gets up from their place and retrieve Yoshida Tsuyoshi.

"Thank you," he shakes Hikaru's hand. "Thank you," he shakes Kaoru's hand. "Thank you," he goes back to shaking Hikaru's hand. For the next minute he shakes their hands back and forth until the Hitachiins ultimately get bored and sit back down. "Hi," he waves to Kyouya. "Hi," he waves to Haruhi. "Hi," he waves to Tamaki. He continues to wave down the line.

"What's wrong with him?" Kaoru whispers to Hikaru.

"What's with the repetition?" Hikaru whispers back.

"He appears to have obsessive compulsive disorder…" Kyouya explains.

Yoshida repeatedly wipes the chair in which he is meant to sit upon. He keeps on mumbling, "Germs…go away…go away…don't come to me…they're out to get me…"

"Uh…Yoshida-kun, why do you want to become a Host?" Tamaki asks.

"Why do I want to be a host?" Yoshida repeats, still wiping the chair. "Do I want to be a Host? Do I? Do I? Do I really?" He looks at his hands. "Ah…it's dirty…I must…wash my hands…wash my hands….get the dirt out…no more germs…" he exits the room looking at his hands, repeating his words over and over again.

"I don't think he's coming back…" Haruhi concludes.

"NEXT!"

**…**

"Sasaki Hayato, why do you want to become a host?" Tamaki asks the sleazy looking boy on chair. His hair was dyed a pale blonde, streaked with red.

"Because I'm bored." He replies, uninterested, pulling something out from his trouser pocket. He pulls out a cigarette and juts it in the corner of his lips. He fishes for a lighter.

Mori appears in front of him with a calm expression and pulls the cigarette out of his mouth. "No smoking."

Sasaki looks up at Mori with a look of fearlessness. He stood up, knocking the chair back, to look him in the eye. He was almost equal in height with Mori.

"They look like they're about to fight," Tamaki stands up from his place, but Honey prevents him from interfering.

After a minute of intense eye-to-eye tension, Sasaki kicks the chair and leaves the room with a final slam of the door.

"Sasaki is in Takashi's Kendo club," Honey explains. "I guess Takashi just doesn't want him to turn out bad…"

"…next."

**…**

"Uchiyama Hitoshi, why do you want to be a Host?" Tamaki inquires the small boy who is fiddling with a pack of tissues.

"It all started when I was 3 years old. My father was always busy with work…" Uchiyama begins his story.

-15 minutes later…

"And he never hugged me! NEVER!" Uchiyama cries in a tearful rage, blowing his nose.

"So that's what the tissues were for…" Haruhi murmurs.

"Deceitful." The twins grunt, annoyed with the ranting contestant.

"An-and I haven't even began to talk about my mother! She didn't care…she just didn't—"

"Uchiyama-san! Uchiyama-san, I'm sorry for interrupting your…well-structured story, but where does your wanting to become a Host, come in?" Kyouya asks as his impatience rises to his neck.

"No, let him continue! It's such a sad childhood; he deserves some compassion," Tamaki sniffles, dabbing his wet eyes with a hanky. "If there is anything…anything I could do for you, just say the word!" Tamaki declares emotionally.

"Thank you Suoh-kun…but I think I just need time to cool off," his voice is shaky as if he is holding back tears. "I'll be fine," he squeaks, getting up and making his way towards the exit.

"Remember! I'm here for you!" Tamaki waves his damp hanky in the air, suppressing unshed tears of sympathy.

"Next…"

**…**

"There is only a couple more contestants left," Honey smiles widely.

"That's bad…" Kaoru comments.

"Why?" Honey asks innocently.

"Because we're better off getting a monkey to join than have one of those guys…" Hikaru jokes…at least about the monkey part.

**…**

"Heeh? Nekozawa-sempai, you want to join!?" Tamaki shrills up like a cat struck by lightning. "But now that I think about it; it's nothing unusual, I mean my club is unusually popular…and yours not so much—"

"All those people…too noisy!" Nekozawa complains in his chilly voice. "My Black Magic club members are getting distracted…we cannot concentrate on the spell…"

"What members?" Hikaru presses.

Tamaki gasps, melting into a pool of acid and, shaping himself up again.

The black cloud that seems to follow Nekozawa appears darker than usual. The black cloud begins to rain upon him. "Cuuurse you…" Beelzenef the puppet says to the Host Club. Nekozawa leaves for his own club room, cackling maniacally.

"You homo-twin, you pissed off Nekozawa-sempai and now he's going to curse us eternally in trying to find a new member!" Tamaki reprimands.

"Idiot-king, you pissed him off first when you said his club sucked!" Hikaru fights back.

**…**

"Casanova-kun!" Honey jeers upon seeing the scary-looking red-head.

"Ah! Bossa Nova-kun!" Hikaru and Kaoru greet.

"DAMNIT! FOR THE LAST TIME IT'S **KASANODA**—"

"Casanova-kun, are you trying out?" Haruhi asks.

Kasanoda composes himself. "Ah-ahem…hey Fujioka-san…" he blushes.

Tamaki is but a shell of a human as his spirit has left.

"Yea…I'm trying out…I guess," Kasanoda scratches his head in embarrassment from Haruhi's stare.

"Aa…so why do you want to become a host?" Haruhi inquires.

'_Don't say because you want to see Fujioka-san everyday…whatever you do don't say—' _"So I can see Fujioka-san everyday" _'I TOLD NOT TO SAY IT, DUMBASS! NOW WHAT'S SHE GONNA THINK, HUH?'_ "Um, I-I mean…"

Tamaki's spirit and the Hitachiin twins glower at the defiant red-head.

"Heh? But I already see you almost everyday at school in the hallways and stuff…" Haruhi ponders for a moment.

'_She's denser than I thought…'_ "Um….I was just kidding…You know what? I should get going. Uh…see ya…" the flustered Kasanoda exits the room.

'_It must be hard dealing with rejection. Mental high-five,'_ The twins and the Tamaki spirit communicates through telepathy.

**…**

After somehow re-attaching Tamaki's spirit back to his mass, the search continues.

"Ueda Akira, please report inside," Kyouya informs.

"KYOUYA-KUN, I SAT IN FRONT OF AN OLD TELEVISION SCREEN FOR 24 HOURS JUST SO I CAN GET GLASSES. NOW WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON—" the fan girl shouts out her situation.

"That is it! For the umpteenth time, STOP IT!" Someone in the crowd yells.

"SHUT UP, WHO ASKED YOU?"

"You're just asking for it now! You wanna fight!?"

"BRING IT ON, BIT—**beep**!"

**…**

"Ueda-kun, what took you so long coming in?" Tamaki asks purely out of curiosity.

"There were some obstacles…" Ueda masks. _'Like fighting a deranged fan girl…'_

"I see…but the problem is…if you want to become a host, you have to get along with the girls…" Tamaki explains.

"Please accept me as your apprentice!" Ueda is on his knees, bowing his head to the floor in front of Mori.

"Huh?" goes the Host Club (excluding inward-reacting Kyouya).

"Please accept me as your apprentice!" Ueda repeats. Mori stares with his unblinking eyes. His expression remains stoic. No sounds are coming out. Ueda looks up, his eyes meeting with the cold, hard gaze of Mori-sempai—or so it seemed. Anyone else would describe Mori-sempai's face as expressionless.

"Idiot…He's graduating in a couple of days…" Hikaru remarks snidely.

"psht, apprenticeship…he's a joke," Kaoru sneers.

"Ueda…kun…what about the Host Club?" Tamaki asks.

"Hoist Club? What's that, do you help people get up on horses or something?"

Something flashes through Tamaki's eyes—something like killer instincts. _No one makes a joke out of his club._

"Get out," Tamaki demands.

"Get out as in '_I can't believe it'_ get out, or get out as in go away?"

"The last one."

"Oh…I understand…I guess I'll find a better time…" Ueda leaves.

"NEXT!"

"Tamaki-sempai…there are no more contestants…" Haruhi informs.

**…**

"That was a complete waste of time," Kaoru sums up.

"Everyone sucked…" Hikaru says, pushing the files away.

"It's the curse of Beelzenef…I swear it is!" Tamaki exclaims.

"Just make a decision…" Kyouya sighs.

"Well…" Tamaki rubs his chin in contemplation.

_30 minutes later…_

"How about Uchiyama…" Tamaki suggests. '_We can cry together…'_

"No," the twins decline bluntly.

"Uchiyama has too many personal problems," Kyouya says, looking through his notes.

_Another 30 minutes later…_

"Can I please go home?" Haruhi attempts, although knowing the answer clearly in her mind.

"Aw, not until we make a decision, son…" Tamaki pets Haruhi on the head.

_One hour later…_

"Fine, how about ghost-guy?" Tamaki suggests impatiently. It's getting dark outside and the streetlights are gleaming.

"For the 3rd time, NO…he's too creepy!" the twins reject.

"Okay that's it! If you're going to be so picky, how about we don't let anyone in at all and go short 2 members!" Tamaki blurts out in aggravation.

"Actually…that's not a bad idea…" Kyouya points out.

"I agree!" Everyone else raises their hands in approval.

"It's settled, no new member for now," Kyouya concludes. "I'm going home."

"Ah…it got so dark…" Haruhi says looking out the window.

As everyone is making their way out, Tamaki sits in the same spot, dumbfounded.

"Wait…so all this today…was for nothing?" Tamaki mutters to himself. "I feel like there are no advancements. Is this right?"

Kyouya flicks the lights off.

"BUT WE"VE ACCOMPLISHED NOTHING!" Tamaki proclaims. _'It must be the evil workings of the Black Magic Club…'_

**…**

**A/N**-

Here's a very awkwardly long one-shot that I've been working on for a couple of days. I hope you liked it…if not…sorry for wasting your time reading 19 pages…

I was very meticulous on tenses…I'm not sure if it sounds too awkward or forced…but I spent more time on grammar…I think.

For readers of my other stories…I'm going to start another new story soon. See you then!


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